sometimes i back away ...

instead of 3 things, tonight i just have 1 ...


my dog and i "play" this little game most nights.  he thinks the bed is too high for him to jump on himself.  therefore he comes to the side of the bed where i am sitting / laying and looks at me, as if to say, "a little help please". but when i reach down to pick him up, he backs away from me.  yep, it's that annoying.  i don't know what goes through he head .... is it a game to him? is he resisting submitting? eventually when i reach out to him, he lets me pick him up.  some nights this is the 3rd or 4th attempt. other nights, he hides under the bed and i shut off the lights and climb into bed... 

it's a good thing he's so cute huh?

i sometimes wonder if this is how we look when we accept God's help.  we know we need His help, so we approach Him and ask for the help.  He reaches down His arm to help us and we back away. why? because we are stubborn and think we'll figure it out on our own? because it can't be that easy? so we ask again and again back away when the help is offered... 


i'm thankful that God is a merciful God and has more patience than i do with my dog some nights.  because otherwise, He would have already metaphorically speaking shut out the lights and gone to bed on me, convinced i was going to sleep under then bed instead of accept His help.


i get really mad at myself sometimes for the mess i left myself get all tangled up in.  to so quickly amass so much debt and seemingly do nothing about it for a really long time. i have the tendency to ignore little problems and hope that they work themselves out.  and i'm guessing that is what i thought would happen here.  
confession time:

1. i never looked at my monthly statements, in fact i switched to paperless bills which meant i had to deal with them even less.  
2. i went online monthly and paid off the minimum payment. 
3. i never looked at the amount of interest i was being charged, nor did i look at my actual balance that was accumulating.  some months, because of the interest, my balance would increase instead of decrease.  

it never occurred to me to seek God's help when i was in this mess.  i think i thought because i had gotten myself into the mess, God would expect me to figure a way out of it. 


please let me be a lesson to someone else out there ... credit card companies are from the evil one. they are sucking the life out of most Americans and we don't even realize it ... 


r