I had planned for this blog to be out on last week. But life has been a little beyond crazy lately!! Lots of good things have been happening, but I do miss the nights where I could come home, watch a little TV, write a blog, read a few chapters in a book and get to bed early ... i don't have too many days like that anymore!
Anyways, I have a short series of blogs I would like to write in the next 3-4 weeks, all leading up to the big, life changing, EVENT!
Have you ever really stopped to think about small decisions shape your life? About how different your life might be if you had made a different decision about something? I'm not talking about a BIG decision (like college, jobs, marriage, childbirth), but just a small one. One that seems insignificant at the time. There is an older movie called Sliding Doors in which they show what happens to the one main character's life as a result of one tiny decision. She either makes the subway or she misses it. And the movie shows both options. What happens in either "timeline". Her life was dramatically different as a result of that 15 second decision. I have realized that I have made a few small decisions that in the end have resulted in life changing things for me.
So tonight, I want to share with you ... just 3 things about my church ... more specifically, just 3 things that have happened to me as a result of being a part of my church for the past 10+ years
I grew up in a very small church, and all but 2 1/2 years in my childhood were spent with my dad as my pastor. But in 2001, a lot of things changed. and one of the biggest changes for me, was that I started going to a very different church than I had ever known. I grew up in a very conservative church, a small Baptist denomination that took church and God very very seriously. Church and church events took up a very large part of my life as a kid. Being the pastor's kid brought a whole lot of pressure and scrutiny. Things that other kids could do without a second thought, those things were examined closer for me and my brothers. I felt more pressure than was actually probably there, some of that due to me being the oldest and being the only girl. Regardless, in my mind, that scrutiny was there.
So early in 2002 i started going to the church i'm still in now. A very large, non-denominational church in Latham. This church has changed my life in so many ways! It opened up doors for me that I otherwise wouldn't have known about, it made me question things and forced me to decide what I believe rather than what I was raised to believe.
There are 3 things in particular that I want to highlight that have happened to me as a result of my one (seemingly) small decision I made when I changed churches
1) youth group
after being in a church where everyone knew everything about me, it was refreshing to be anonymous It was comforting even to be able to go to church, sit in the back, sing songs, listen to a message and leave. But after a year or so, I started to realize I was ready to start making friends, to start meeting people and become involved in the church, to try to make a difference with my life. And so, one Sunday in the bulletin, I saw that the youth group was looking for adult volunteers to help out. Something about that sounds really appealing to me. I didn't know if I would be any good hanging out with teens, or if I would be a complete failure at it. But something made me call up the youth pastor at the time and talk to him about volunteering. Another seemingly small decision, but one that changed my life dramatically and forever. It took me a while to find my place with the highschool kids. I was so scared of them to begin with! It was hard for me to go up to them and make conversation for fear that they wouldn't think I was "cool" enough to talk to them. But after about 3 or 4 months, I realized that this was the place for me. I had made some good friendships with some of the other leaders and was starting to build relationships with the kids. And for the next 8 years, youth group was a HUGE part of my life! The teens that I met and grew close with in that time were amazing. Some of them stretched me more than I ever knew I could be stretched. We laughed together, we cried together, we yelled, we sang, we were goof balls, we were serious and I found the place where I was needed the most. I will always be grateful for those teens and those leaders who let me share in their lives, who trusted me with their deepest secrets and who came to me with their hardest questions. I will never forget them and will always be happy to hear from them or see them even if it's only in passing. (i wish i could tell ALL THE STORIES about my time in youth group, but they are enough to fill a book! and maybe one day i will sit down and write them all out but that may have to wait until my life settles down!!)
2) friends for life
it took a long time for me to make new friends. a lot of that was my own choosing. but getting involved with youth group and some connections i made there, led me to an amazing group of women that have become some of my best friends. we started out as a twice a month bible study and morphed into one of the tightest groups of friends that you can imagine. (no exaggeration on this). i have written about them in other places and at other times, but it bears repeating! we were together for over 4 years and got to the place we were completely open and honest with each other. we went through an entire year where all of us experienced some sort of dramatic pain and loss, and that year as awful as it was, brought us even closer together. even though 3 of them ended up moving away and our group disbanded so to speak, we are still close. there are things that still bring us together and so many memories we will never forget. some of them drove over 4 hours round trip to come to my dad's funeral - i'll never forget the warmth and love i felt when i was turned around during the wake and saw them standing in the back. i will always treasure their friendship. (another small insignificant decision at the time ... to join a bible study with some girls that i "sort of" knew through church)
3) lessons learned
this section too could be a whole book in itself but there are a few big lessons i have learned that i would like to share. the biggest thing that i became aware of when i started attending this large non-denominational church was how small minded and judgmental i had been when it came to Christians. I really did believe that the only "true" Christians out there were ones that were apart of the same small Baptist denomination as I. I thought there might be other Christians out there, but they were either "misguided" or "weak" and didn't have as much understanding as those in my church had about God and the Bible. At the time, I could not have identified this in myself, but it didn't take long for me to realize it once I started having conversations with other people at church. I realized that there were very Godly, very devoted, very smart and loving people ALL over the place that knew way more about the Bible than I did. Once I was able to drop my preconceived notions I had about all of this, I was able to learn so many new lessons from so many different people. My pastor and the other leaders in my church have taught me so much, no only from their messages on Sundays but from their lives and their conversations with me, from their actions and their decisions about things. Getting to know some of them as parents and not as "adults" taught me many lessons. I'm still learning these lessons. And oh so grateful that I am!
that is all for me tonight!! thanks for reading - please feel free to leave me comments or questions :)
i hope you all have a wonderful week!
only 3 more weeks of work!!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
blindsided
Today was a pretty normal day. Work went about as well as it could for a Wednesday (every Wednesday is a meeting day). Left on time, got home, walked Riley, ate a little dinner and headed off to church for our mid-week book study. I really am enjoying this book study - we are going through a book called The Drama of Scripture and the guy leading it is young, very knowledgeable, a good teacher and the class has been a good one so far.
Anyways, things were going really well. Until the teacher asks his first question of the night "If you could ask God just one question, right now, tonight, what would it be?"
And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, tears filled my eyes and for a second, it even felt hard to breathe
Because my thoughts automatically went to my dad.
My faith in God is solid and I believe without a doubt, that God is in control and His timing is perfect. But when I honestly ask myself what question would I ask God, the question would be about the timing of my dad's death. Why was this year the year for him to die? Why was it so sudden that I was not able to say good-bye?
A part of me knows the answers already. Because it was God's perfect timing. Because if asked, Dad would have said he would have wanted to go fast, to not be in pain, etc.
I do believe the Bible when it clearly says in Job 14:5 "Since his days are determined, The number of his months is with You; And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass." and Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them."
But knowing it doesn't stop the pain; doesn't stop the automatic tears
I think these are the moments I continue to dread. The times when something will trigger a memory or a question (like tonight) and I will be blindsided by my grief
Please continue to pray for my family and me. We are healing, but at times like tonight, the pain is as real and as fresh as it was on August 3rd.
While you are praying for us, please also continue to pray for friends of our family in KY; who lost their 7 week old baby boy a few weeks prior to my dad's death.
Their grief and sorrow are on a whole different level than ours; I cannot begin to fathom how they manage during the times when they are blindsided by grief
Anyways, things were going really well. Until the teacher asks his first question of the night "If you could ask God just one question, right now, tonight, what would it be?"
And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, tears filled my eyes and for a second, it even felt hard to breathe
Because my thoughts automatically went to my dad.
My faith in God is solid and I believe without a doubt, that God is in control and His timing is perfect. But when I honestly ask myself what question would I ask God, the question would be about the timing of my dad's death. Why was this year the year for him to die? Why was it so sudden that I was not able to say good-bye?
A part of me knows the answers already. Because it was God's perfect timing. Because if asked, Dad would have said he would have wanted to go fast, to not be in pain, etc.
I do believe the Bible when it clearly says in Job 14:5 "Since his days are determined, The number of his months is with You; And his limits You have set so that he cannot pass." and Psalm 139:16 "Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; And in Your book were all written The days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was not one of them."
But knowing it doesn't stop the pain; doesn't stop the automatic tears
I think these are the moments I continue to dread. The times when something will trigger a memory or a question (like tonight) and I will be blindsided by my grief
Please continue to pray for my family and me. We are healing, but at times like tonight, the pain is as real and as fresh as it was on August 3rd.
While you are praying for us, please also continue to pray for friends of our family in KY; who lost their 7 week old baby boy a few weeks prior to my dad's death.
Their grief and sorrow are on a whole different level than ours; I cannot begin to fathom how they manage during the times when they are blindsided by grief
Sunday, October 14, 2012
finding purpose in the routine
"just 3 more weeks of work at the 2nd job"
"just 4 more weeks of work at Hospice"
These are the thoughts in my head tonight. These surreal thoughts ... thoughts I still find hard to believe even though I'm the one voicing them. Even though they are in MY head ...
Now, my time spent with family & friends seems more purposeful, seems more "special" then "normal" or "routine". I find myself wanting to make sure I am "intentional" in who I spend my time with and what I spend my time doing.
There is a part of me that wishes this is how we all spent every week of our lives. That every time we make plans to spend time with friends or family, we were "intentional" about it. That we made sure to find purpose in routine things.
Can you imagine how different our lives would be? Can you fathom what a different person that would make you be? A different spouse, a different parent, a different child, sibling, friend, co-worker, church member?
We are not promised tomorrow, yet we all seem to live our lives like we have 50 years worth of tomorrows. We might not have 5, 10 or 15 years to make an impact, to change a life. We have today.
I hope and pray that these thoughts running through my head continue to affect me, not only while I'm still here in NY, but when I make my transition to KY .. when I have the opportunities to see my nieces every single day.
I want to remember that each day with them should be a purposeful day. That each opportunity I have with them is a chance to make an impact, to change a life, to be who they each need me to be for them.
What about you?
Sunday, October 7, 2012
sun night musings
my 3 things tonight are a jumbled mess ... random things with no thread to connect them but they are the things on my heart this past few weeks
1) the closer i get to November 9th (my last day at my full time job) the harder i'm finding it is to keep my "filter" in place. it's harder to keep my mouth in control when i'm at work. in the 13+ years i've been here, there are MANY things that i just "do" because i'm bad at enabling people to not learn how to do their job correctly as it's simply easier to just do it than deal with the incompetence that others seem to exhibit. well now that my time is limited i'm finding it a whole lot easier to say ' guess what, it's time you learned how to do YOUR job because i'm leaving here soon and won't be able to do it for you'. On one hand, it's freeing to just let go. But on the other hand, i have to fight the temptation because i really do want to continue to uphold my strong work ethic and not undo the good 'name' i've worked all these years to maintain. so i will continue to fight this for the next 5 (!!!!!) weeks
2) baseball POSTSEASON is upon us! i LOVE this time of year ... all of a sudden every game becomes a MUST WIN and the intensity increasing exponentially! in past years, i've had conversations with perfect strangers in grocery stores and while pumping gas about great post season games! it's a fun time of year to be a baseball fan (if your team is playing i guess). but this year it makes me sad too. baseball was one of those "things" that i shared with my dad. he and i loved to watch the games together if possible and if not, then talk about them the next day. there were times he would call me in the middle of a game to either complain about how a-rod wasn't hitting or to celebrate how just amazing Mariano was pitching. a few years in a row, when i had ZERO extra money, he bought me tickets to playoff games on a bus trip; he made sure he was my driver and always reserved the front seat for me so i could be near him. he bought me tickets to the parade in 2009 when the Yankees won the world series. it made him happy to do this for me especially the years when i was too broke to even conceive of paying for the tickets myself. i am definitely missing him tonight during game 1 of the ALDS.
1) the closer i get to November 9th (my last day at my full time job) the harder i'm finding it is to keep my "filter" in place. it's harder to keep my mouth in control when i'm at work. in the 13+ years i've been here, there are MANY things that i just "do" because i'm bad at enabling people to not learn how to do their job correctly as it's simply easier to just do it than deal with the incompetence that others seem to exhibit. well now that my time is limited i'm finding it a whole lot easier to say ' guess what, it's time you learned how to do YOUR job because i'm leaving here soon and won't be able to do it for you'. On one hand, it's freeing to just let go. But on the other hand, i have to fight the temptation because i really do want to continue to uphold my strong work ethic and not undo the good 'name' i've worked all these years to maintain. so i will continue to fight this for the next 5 (!!!!!) weeks
2) baseball POSTSEASON is upon us! i LOVE this time of year ... all of a sudden every game becomes a MUST WIN and the intensity increasing exponentially! in past years, i've had conversations with perfect strangers in grocery stores and while pumping gas about great post season games! it's a fun time of year to be a baseball fan (if your team is playing i guess). but this year it makes me sad too. baseball was one of those "things" that i shared with my dad. he and i loved to watch the games together if possible and if not, then talk about them the next day. there were times he would call me in the middle of a game to either complain about how a-rod wasn't hitting or to celebrate how just amazing Mariano was pitching. a few years in a row, when i had ZERO extra money, he bought me tickets to playoff games on a bus trip; he made sure he was my driver and always reserved the front seat for me so i could be near him. he bought me tickets to the parade in 2009 when the Yankees won the world series. it made him happy to do this for me especially the years when i was too broke to even conceive of paying for the tickets myself. i am definitely missing him tonight during game 1 of the ALDS.
here is a picture of us last year in the parking lot before the game where Jeter hit his 3000th hit
3) we sang the song "Jesus You are Worthy" today at church today. i blogged about this back in June - how this song just humbles me and makes me so grateful. the phrase "justice & mercy meet on the cross" and all it means when you think about it. if you haven't heard this song (either at all or in a while), do yourself a favor and watch the video below. it will uplift & encourage you
hope you all have a great week!!
Saturday, October 6, 2012
"lasts"
i posted this on facebook and twitter on last saturday
This statement still sums up how i'm feeling. i'm so excited about being close to my nieces, so happy at the idea of a fresh start and a brand new section in my book called "life". but i'm so sad & scared about all of the people and memories that i'm leaving behind.
I've been planning out my last month here and trying to make sure i "fit" in everything i need / want to do ... my time is filling up so quickly. I'm also starting to realize all of the "lasts" i'm going to experience
so i'm hoping to be more consistent on here, to capture all of these memories and moments i'm having
yesterday i went to Vermont with my mom and her 2 sisters (visiting from Alabama). it was a very fun trip. they had me laughing so hard a couple times i almost ran off the road. it was great to take them places they had never seen before (like the Van Trapp family lodge, Cold Hollow Cider Mill, Ben & Jerry's Factory, show them the foliage in most of its splendor (see below picture), and experience new things together too (like take the ferry across Lake Champlain from VT into NY).
i posted a bunch of pictures from our adventures yesterday but i just want to share this one again because this tree was breathtaking
i will get back to my normal "3 things" tomorrow but just had to get these thoughts / feelings off my heart tonight ...
-r
"Starting to realize how few days I have left in NY. Makes me happy & sad, excited & scared, just a bundle of contradictions"
This statement still sums up how i'm feeling. i'm so excited about being close to my nieces, so happy at the idea of a fresh start and a brand new section in my book called "life". but i'm so sad & scared about all of the people and memories that i'm leaving behind.
I've been planning out my last month here and trying to make sure i "fit" in everything i need / want to do ... my time is filling up so quickly. I'm also starting to realize all of the "lasts" i'm going to experience
- my last NY fall season
- my last shift at either of my jobs
- my last time to just 'hang' with my 2 best friends
- my last midnight movie extravaganza with my BS girlies
- my last church service at Grace
- and on and on and on the list goes
so i'm hoping to be more consistent on here, to capture all of these memories and moments i'm having
yesterday i went to Vermont with my mom and her 2 sisters (visiting from Alabama). it was a very fun trip. they had me laughing so hard a couple times i almost ran off the road. it was great to take them places they had never seen before (like the Van Trapp family lodge, Cold Hollow Cider Mill, Ben & Jerry's Factory, show them the foliage in most of its splendor (see below picture), and experience new things together too (like take the ferry across Lake Champlain from VT into NY).
i posted a bunch of pictures from our adventures yesterday but i just want to share this one again because this tree was breathtaking
i will get back to my normal "3 things" tomorrow but just had to get these thoughts / feelings off my heart tonight ...
-r
Monday, September 24, 2012
just 3 (good) things ... about mondays
so one of the funniest movies ever for those of us who work in an office is the movie "office space". and one of the best quotes from the movie is "somebody has a case of the mondays"
i've blogged about how when you work 7 days a week, monday is just another day and it's not a big deal. that being said, there is "something" about mondays that i do dread. having to wake up early, knowing that everything will be nuts as soon as i walk into the door at my office, just having to get back into a routine, it's not always a fun thing to look forward to
but when you only have 7 mondays left to work at your current office, your perspective changes a bit
now that i have only 6 mondays left, here are my 3 (good) things about my mondays
1) the new iPhone software that i just recently upgraded to has one of many very cool features. the alarm clock now plays a song from your music on your phone. therefore, waking up to a song off the new matchbox twenty album as opposed to the obnoxious old phone ringing sound is actually not a bad thing. it certainly makes a difference on a monday
2) going to church on sunday, where i experience powerful worship and hear a message that convicts me or encourages me, i often find myself recharged, refreshed and encouraged that i'm not the only one out there facing the battles i face. so why do i just as often lose that charge in less than 24 hours? if my perspective is focused on the right thing, then i do find myself excited to face the week.
3) for the next 7 weeks, each monday that passes brings me one week closer to seeing my nieces ALL the time. how can anything else compare with that??
so for me, i promise right here and now, that for the next 6 weeks, i, rachael, will NOT have a case of the mondays :)
can you say the same thing???
i've blogged about how when you work 7 days a week, monday is just another day and it's not a big deal. that being said, there is "something" about mondays that i do dread. having to wake up early, knowing that everything will be nuts as soon as i walk into the door at my office, just having to get back into a routine, it's not always a fun thing to look forward to
but when you only have 7 mondays left to work at your current office, your perspective changes a bit
now that i have only 6 mondays left, here are my 3 (good) things about my mondays
1) the new iPhone software that i just recently upgraded to has one of many very cool features. the alarm clock now plays a song from your music on your phone. therefore, waking up to a song off the new matchbox twenty album as opposed to the obnoxious old phone ringing sound is actually not a bad thing. it certainly makes a difference on a monday
2) going to church on sunday, where i experience powerful worship and hear a message that convicts me or encourages me, i often find myself recharged, refreshed and encouraged that i'm not the only one out there facing the battles i face. so why do i just as often lose that charge in less than 24 hours? if my perspective is focused on the right thing, then i do find myself excited to face the week.
3) for the next 7 weeks, each monday that passes brings me one week closer to seeing my nieces ALL the time. how can anything else compare with that??
so for me, i promise right here and now, that for the next 6 weeks, i, rachael, will NOT have a case of the mondays :)
can you say the same thing???
Monday, September 10, 2012
my epic news
i've always liked the analogy of the passage of life as a book.
i'm thrilled to announce today that i'm on the cusp of a new chapter; but my news might actually warrant more than a chapter; perhaps it might be the beginning of a whole new section of the book
2 years ago i took a long hard look at might life, to evaluate where i had been and more importantly where i was headed. i was about 1/2 way through paying off my credit cards and starting to wonder what would come next. once i wasn't obligated to work at a job that paid me a decent amount of money, most of which went to paying bills
and i decided that if debt didn't have me chained down anymore, then why would i want to live 1000 miles away from my (at the time) 3 nieces?
so over the past 2 years, i have been working 2-3 jobs, giving every bit of excess money i could to my credit cards and as some of you may know, as of august 24th, all of those bills are completely paid off.
now, i am free to begin the next chapter / section / phase of my life
i'm ecstatic to tell you that today i gave 2 months notice to my bosses at my job and let them know that my last day of work would be november 8th.
my plan is to move to bowling green, KY the week of Thanksgiving.
!!!!!!!!
i will be moving into the basement of my brother & sister-in-law's house and will become their part-time (or maybe full-time) live-in "nanny" of sorts to their 4 very precious girls
i will definitely miss all of my friends and family here in NY - over the past 6 weeks i have been even more blessed by all of your love & care for me during some pretty dark days
my dad was pretty excited at this prospect for me so i know he would be thrilled to know it is coming to fruition
more blog posts to follow as plans firm up and other decisions are made but here is what i know as of today
pretty epic news right?????
PS- i've been waiting MONTHS to write this blog!!!!
i'm thrilled to announce today that i'm on the cusp of a new chapter; but my news might actually warrant more than a chapter; perhaps it might be the beginning of a whole new section of the book
2 years ago i took a long hard look at might life, to evaluate where i had been and more importantly where i was headed. i was about 1/2 way through paying off my credit cards and starting to wonder what would come next. once i wasn't obligated to work at a job that paid me a decent amount of money, most of which went to paying bills
and i decided that if debt didn't have me chained down anymore, then why would i want to live 1000 miles away from my (at the time) 3 nieces?
so over the past 2 years, i have been working 2-3 jobs, giving every bit of excess money i could to my credit cards and as some of you may know, as of august 24th, all of those bills are completely paid off.
now, i am free to begin the next chapter / section / phase of my life
i'm ecstatic to tell you that today i gave 2 months notice to my bosses at my job and let them know that my last day of work would be november 8th.
my plan is to move to bowling green, KY the week of Thanksgiving.
!!!!!!!!
i will be moving into the basement of my brother & sister-in-law's house and will become their part-time (or maybe full-time) live-in "nanny" of sorts to their 4 very precious girls
i will definitely miss all of my friends and family here in NY - over the past 6 weeks i have been even more blessed by all of your love & care for me during some pretty dark days
my dad was pretty excited at this prospect for me so i know he would be thrilled to know it is coming to fruition
more blog posts to follow as plans firm up and other decisions are made but here is what i know as of today
pretty epic news right?????
PS- i've been waiting MONTHS to write this blog!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)